Wednesday, March 16, 2011

The Waiting Game

So I sent off my visa application today... I thought it would be better when I have it all done and in the post but it’s not. Before, I was stressing about whether I’d get it in on time or and whether I had enough stuff. Now I’m stressing about whether it will get there early enough and if I forgot to put something in and what if hijackers blow up the mail plane. Before, things were in my control, even if my control wasn’t all that great. Now they’re not and I don’t like it.

I should stop being a control freak. It will be less stressful.

It’s not as bad as sending out queries or manuscripts, I think. At least with a visa application, it’s plain facts you’re dealing with. Unless the visa officer is astrology-obsessed, they’re not going to judge you on your birth date or your mother’s maiden name. When you send out work that you’ve pored over for months and years, putting your heart and soul into it, you can’t help but feel that your heart and soul are being judged. Logically, you know that rejections don’t mean an agent or an editor hates you personally, but there’s still that feeling way down deep...

Waiting’s the hardest part. When you’re in that Schrödinger’s cat stage when it could go either way, and you’re having mini panic attacks every time you check your mail. What if I’d done this, or that? What’s happening in that parallel universe where I’ve done everything correctly?

Maybe it’s better to think about the parallel universe where everything’s gone wrong. The one where you forgot to sign things, you spelt three words in the first sentence wrong, you used Comic Sans, and you caught the agent or editor or visa officer on a day when they hated the world... So really, this particular reality isn’t actually that bad.

And even if you do get a rejection, it just means you get to go back and write more awesome stuff.

If you’re submitting things for publication, that is. If they reject my visa application, I guess I’m kinda screwed.

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